Introducing The Revolutionary Micro-Hoe! Invented by Me; Patent Not Pending; All Rights Reversed. Order Now. One Week Only, Free Cardboard Box1 Included!
For ages, now, I've been wanting one of these. See, the problem is that I garden using the Deep Bed Method (about which I shall pontificate at a more apropos time.) This means that a lot of plants get spaced much more closely than recommended by All Manufacturers. In particular Onions and Garlic are a Perennial Problem2. They hate weeds, and suffer them poorly. But they're so closely spaced that any form of conventional hoe is a non-option.
"What to do? What to do?" Enter the Revolutionary Micro Hoe. I managed to bum a bit of scrap off the local metal merchants4 to (finally! eventually!) implement the implement: the Plan I've had in mind for months5.
The metal bit is only about 5cm wide, and sharp enough to shave a sheep, meaning it will fit between cramped rows of Onions, severing the roots off Terrible Weeds without damaging the pencil-thick Onions.
Fields trials seem to show that this one is a winner. Took me less than ten minutes to hoe a 10m2 bed full of Weeds (and a few Onions). It snickedthrough the weeds like... Oh! Enough with the similies!... It cut through them really easily.
I don't have the angle of the blade quite right, yet. It needs to be a bit moreacute an angle (contrary to all expectation) than it is. On the other hand, that involves dismantling the entire contraption, re-sawing the slot in the handle, and re-setting the blade. More than I can face today. In use, the handle has a disconcerting tendency to twist anti-clockwise, and that gets a bit uncomfortable after using the Hoe for a time. But I can live with that, considering how much quicker it is that Hand Weeding!
If you're a Real Human Person wanting to build your own MicroHoe to my design, go ahead with my blessing. If you're a Company seeking Fortune through the manufacture of MicroHoes, please fuck off. It's my design, hereby Open Sourced for Real Human Beings. Only!
 Just some random cardboard box, mind you. No guarantee that the MicroHoe would fit into it, or anything.
 AKA a Pain In The Arse3.
 "Ass" for the 'Merkins.
 Too unhip to even have a website!
 Could be years, actually. My Scotch-addled brain glosses over time like... well... like something very glossy6!
 ...had in mind something along the lines of "like gumboots on a duck-beshitten lawn", but I couldn't make it scan.